Yesterday morning was Roger’s last with us. He died alone and we all hope quickly with a minimum of suffering. My thoughts alternate between concern for him and the big transition that he made and for those of us who are now faced with making sense of life without his company and love.
I hope that his passing left him with no spiritual regrets, with the understanding that materially he was not planning on leaving us anytime soon. While I’m happy that he had a good Thanksgiving meal, I’m sorry that he didn’t get to squeeze in one last Christmas celebration since I know how much he loved Christmas morning. I’m guessing that he was watching the last Formula One race of the season, did he find out who won? The list of these sort of thoughts goes on and on as I think about his last short day and hope that it was a good one. I suppose it’s part of how I make sense of the mysterious and yet universal reality of death.
We will gather on Saturday December 1 to honor, remember, and grieve. But here in our family’s cyber-space, I wanted to mark this family altering event with a few of my memories of Roger. I’m so glad that my mom had his companionship and love in her life for the time that she did. He was a good-hearted person who really wanted the best for everybody and everything. He gave Callie Calico Coricopat Cat a good home in her last few years. He was always taking beautiful candid photographs that I love to look at over and over again. He made every Christmas a lot of fun for my mom and me. He was a rock at David’s and my wedding, a very fun rock at that. He loved hanging out with his three grandkids and was so eager to see what they came up with next. He helped us so much with Liam’s first birthday party and just like at our wedding, his steady perseverence toward our common goal of having a good time will never be forgotten and sorely missed in years to come. This is just off the top of my head. Excepting my grandma, I haven’t ever lost anybody so integral to my immediate family. So there is a great gulf that I am feeling and I imagine that it is tiny in the face of what my mom, Chris, Robyn, Chuck, Charlene and all the others who knew and loved Roger are feeling.
Following are my two favorite photos of Roger, I figure that he’d like to be remembered for the fun that he was always game for. Rest in Peace Roger. We will miss you terribly.
Love, Faye
Mark was the one who first gave Roger due credit for getting off a plane, hopping on BART, joining the party and dressing up in drag within hours of landing in California. He was truly the sort of person who was always up to have a good time.
Sorry, this one is a little blurry. On our recent trip home Roger explained to me just how important the hoodie actually is when he’s working in the garage. It keeps the sparks from hitting him. I just thought he looked like a garage gnome. Given that he also took great satisfaction in cooking tasty food for others, I like that I snapped this one in the kitchen as he was cleaning up.
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