Warning: this is a very long post!

Our days have been very full as of late. Consequently, I’ve got a jam-packed list of noteworthy items for this blog posting. It probably could be three postings, but I’ll try and be efficient and put it all together in one neat package.

Down in the back of the building, I have completed the first phase of getting back to work and am nearly set up for the long haul. I did a trial run of a new teaching format at my studio and a trial run with a new instructor at the studio. Both new experiences have been great successes in many ways. Nicole is the new instructor who will soon be teaching exclusively at Bayside Pilates. Having a colleague who I work really well with is wonderful for me, I’m really enjoying the collaborative process of getting the studio set up to be home to both of us. That has meant a complete revision of the website, and going over operating systems, forms, future plans, and all sorts of other business development details. I wasn’t expecting to have all that work on my plate, but I’m glad with the results of our labors and eager to see how this next chapter of the Bayside Pilates story unfolds. This past year has been a big challenge for me and many times I’ve called into question just why it is that I’m doing what I’m doing at a given point in time. Perhaps I’m a little nuts for thinking that it’s a good idea to try and accomplish things like, cloth diapering, crafting, owning a small business as a new mom, cooking tasty things from scratch and all sorts of other time intensive endeavors that I decide are worthwhile endeavors. At the moment I’m actually pretty caught up and whispers of tranquility can be detected in the air around our house. But it’s been a lot of work to get to this point. While I do tend to spend more time on certain projects than the average bird, I am pretty careful about checking in with myself to be sure that what I’m doing is for the “right” reasons. It’s obvious when put in writing, but in the course of living my life I have to remind myself that what is right for me is not necessarily what is right for another person. Becoming a mom has made that knowledge much more important to recall on a regular basis. It’s made it both imperative and slightly easier to trust my own gut instincts, to honor myself, and to follow through on what I feel is important. It’s good and I feel very lucky to be on this journey in the company of David and Liam.

Meanwhile in the front of the building, David and his colleagues are working diligently on their multiple projects. The big one is their new venture which will get done when it gets done which we hope will be very soon. As will all big undertakings, the original completion date is in the past and for us family members who are doing our best to wait patiently and supportively, launch date can’t come soon enough. These guys are really pushing their own limits with this project and I give them all the credit and respect for challenging themselves in this way for the benefit of their loved ones. Excepting one member, their team consists of dads. Along with doing an admirable job in the office, all these guys are really engaged with their families and the other good stuff that life offers. Finding balance at this set-up stage of adulthood in the tough-to-get-ahead bay area is a formidable challenge and I give these men tremendous credit for their efforts. As they round the corner in this big trek, I am hopeful that their efforts will soon yield them even more time for the good stuff. That is indeed the prize on which all our eyes are trained.

But all our efforts at work are really determined by Liam. For my part, the relocation of my business to Oakland right under our apartment and the new teaching format would not have happened had it not been for Liam joining us. It’s probably even safe to say that Nicole’s involvement is due to Liam because his presence has continually helped me to honor myself and keep my focus close to home. It’s too much to go into on account of my attempts at efficiency (from which I’m afraid I’ve already departed), but suffice it to say, that Liam is running the show around these parts and so far I think we’re the better for it. I can’t say too much about David, and I’ve observed so many heartwarming moments of my wonderful husband in his new role as papa. But I can say this: while Liam is a big reason that David took on this very challenging professional project, Liam is keeping him from going completely out of balance in the process. For David, who could completely lose himself in his work, this is a real gift. David is working so hard and holding a lot in his brain, but every day he shares all sorts of fun with Liam. Despite all the pressure that he’s under, David always finds time to help me negotiate the little things that are made so much more challenging with a very mobile baby in the mix. I am amazed and blessed by David’s endless generosity. In big and little ways, every day we follow the lead of this little force of nature who has settled into life with us. We feel very lucky for his company.

We are due for some updates to our log of Liam’s development and path to upright locomotion. Today (my now second sitting on this particular post, who knows when I’ll actually complete it and upload it) marks the completion of 11 months of life with Liam. Yes, yes, party plans are in the works (of course! Read on for that). As with my last post, a lot has happened and while I haven’t crafted the news into a neat package, I did manage to keep a list. In the past months Liam has come up will all sorts of ways to get us to tell him how cute or impressive he is. He’s always been interested in going under things, and that’s led him to crawl under and through things with greater dexterity and skill. He especially likes to look under places that he can’t crawl (the sofa, or the reformer are common sites). He’ll toss a ball underneath and then crouch down and look at it. Looking under doors is apparently lots of fun too. Liam does seem to have acquired the “mountain goat” gene from David. He’s been crawling up the stairs from the basement for a while now, can get up onto the bed in a flash if he so desires, and is constantly looking up to his next destination. He’s not afraid to reach up, give a good pull and hope that the rest of him follows. So far he hasn’t been too successful with this strategy, but time is on his side. He has managed to open the oven this way which brings to mind a certain “Music Man” song about trouble with a capital “T”. Playing catch seems to be the universal favorite activity in our family. Liam is working on his aim. He’s also figuring out how to toss a frisbee (flat pieces of fabric for now), and goes crazy with giggles when David tosses a disc while holding him. A sure fire distraction is to spin round things on the floor, Liam loves to watch ’em spin and is trying his hand at spinning. It’s amazing to see the results of what seems to be a completely ineffective toss. There’s all sorts of babbling and squealing in our house. Liam knows what he wants and is learning how to communicate his desires. At times it’s painful to witness his extreme disappointment at the limitations we subject him to but he recovers quickly as he turns his attention toward another point of interest. David has taken to teaching Liam words for a few sets of opposites around the house (open / closed, up / down, on / off) and Liam seems to be taking the words in with a new sense of comprehension. Consequently, the rest of us have followed suit. As far as all his toys go, Liam has become more interested in putting toys together. He can become quite engrossed with putting one thing in another over and over again. Peek-a-boo is another fun way to pass a little bit of time. And I’d be neglectful if I didn’t also say that Liam really enjoys sitting and reading books. We have a few CDs that we listen to almost every day. For now I’m learning the songs so that I can sing them to Liam as we’re doing things that he’s not too pleased about (diaper changes, stroller time), but I know that it won’t be long till he’s singing them to me.

As far as the big milestones go, we are still waiting on teeth. This is fine by me in terms of breastfeeding comfort. There are days when it seems that this whole process of cutting teeth is taking it’s toll on our little bundle of joy. I am amazed that his little body is going to produce an entire set of teeth before our eyes. And then another one. It all seems very uncomfortable. And then I think about how we all go through that process before we can talk about it or are likely to remember it. But all the same, it’s a universal human experience and it’s not fun. And since we can’t advocate for ourselves during this time, many of us suffer in silence or without the compassionate understanding of those who are caring for us. In my quest to parent with kindness and curiosity for Liam’s experience, this seems like the big sort of event that requires a lot of attention on my part. Precisely because it would be so easy for me to ignore.

And that other big milestone, walking. I’m sorry to report that I’ve done a poor job of recording this process. I arrived at this realization recently and have been mulling over the possible reasons for my neglect. First I thought that it was because, while of course walking is a big deal, it’s just another variation on locomotion which Liam is obviously quite good at. Which led me to realize that for us walking comes with a whole other layer of necessary “baby proofing” and moving the stuff on up in the house. So maybe I’m not so excited about the walking. I’m going to guess that it’s been about six weeks since Liam took a few steps independent of any support. He did it once, now he does it several times a day. Lately he seems to know how far he can get on foot and judges whether it’s best to crawl or walk accordingly. As he’s walking more regularly, and often I am the destination point at the end of his for-step journey, I’m finding myself thinking about that very typical photo or film of a baby walking toward a smiling / cheering parent (you know, the kind you see in commercials for banks just to let us know that they know what’s really important in life) and realizing that I’m not inclined to make a big deal out of Liam’s walking. Firstly, probably because of my own personal interest in motor development. In my work I witness people doing new and improving things with their bodies every day and so that’s a common experience for me. Secondly, due to a book that was gifted to me by Laura T. and the insights into my former dance training experiences that I gained from reading it, I’ve become more aware of the impact that compliments and highly expressive feedback has on the person being observed. It’s difficult to imagine that I won’t ever offer my very positive opinions of Liam and his accomplishments, but I can see how frequent praise has the potential to redirect a person from the work that is keeping them so engaged as to produce a result worthy of praise in the first place. Again, Liam presents me with food for thought. Such a good boy!

A friend asked us to come up with two words that we feel describe Liam in his first year (almost). I’ve settled on happy and determined. He’s got an iron will and the right amounts of charm and strength to back it up. Liam keeps us laughing for sure. He’s a funny happy guy. He loves to laugh and David can get him laughing an adorable and contagious belly laugh. One night David woke up to Liam sucking on his nose. One morning I woke up to Liam giving me a big wet kiss. Here’s a funny little fact about Liam that I often think about: he almost always sneezes twice. So often when he sneezes (which by the way always brings a smile to his face and owing to my father is always followed by the only German word that Liam will likely be familiar with – gesundheit -) I wait for number two and think about all the people who he’ll know in his life and how they will come to realize what I’ve been first to learn: wait for number two.

On a recent morning Liam decided to take on the swing that he’s long since outgrown but that we’ve been keeping around to block his access to my craft cabinet. Liam also loves to turn on the “soothing vibrations” switch and give it a good suck. First, he flipped it over. I righted it. Then he decided to push it against the wall. Then he decided to climb inside and have his way with the power buttons and the straps. Since then he’s managed to undo one part of his car seat strap in order to give himself better sucking access. Perhaps he was doing research, it’s difficult to know for sure….

I hesitate to give myself any pats on the back for doing my parental duty to keep Liam safe until he reaches his eighteenth birthday. Because, you know, danger lurks around every turn. And given this boy’s penchant for exploration (I find myself commonly repeating the two popular ad slogans: “Inquiring minds want to know” and “for the curious ones”), the world is full of opportunities for injury. Early last week Liam was just reaching up to the base of a big beautiful bowl that comes from David’s mom’s family. By Sunday morning of the same week Liam could grab the top rim of the same bowl and lucky for all of us his effort to pull it down onto himself and the floor was thwarted by a vigilant papa. He’s also fond of grabbing the framed pictures that hang on the studio walls. So far he’s only managed to break a few eggs and the bathroom trash can (lucky for us, we were happy to see it go). My negligence did land Liam on the kitchen floor after he crawled out and fell from his high chair while my back was turned. I should have known not to leave him unstrapped for even a second. That was a bad day for Faye. But we have learned about the virtues of arnica tablets. When Liam suffers a particularly upsetting bump we pop an arnica pellet in his mouth. At this point just opening the bottle stops the crying on most occasions.

We recently enjoyed our third year of May day frivolity. I’m glad to keep the flame going even if these early years are just a whisper of what I hope our May Day event will someday be. We did manage to have a self-supporting human circle and spending time in parks is always a welcome departure from our usual busy days. For 2012 that was enough.

Recently I was talking with another mom about our kids’ personalities and noting that had Liam been a little less of a mini Jaques Cousteau I may have been able to complete more of my to-do’s or put another way, my plans would not have been so completely unrealistic. I’m not complaining about Liam here, this is really an instance of personal reflection. I was thinking more about the point that I’d been trying to make, because I started to worry that it sounded as if I was wishing that Liam be different than he is, and I realized something that I think is cool. I realized that Liam is just enough of who he is to force me out of my own little bubble. I often marvel at the many ways big and small in which Liam has changed my life for the better. And it’s only just the beginning…..

Which brings me to the end of this very long post.
Liam will be turning one year old soon and of course we will be celebrating. This is an open invitation to you to join us. In an effort to make this celebration fun and as easy as a party can possibly be I opted to not send out invitations or an evite because that takes a lot of work on my part. So this blog and person to person invites is the means by which we’re asking you our friends and family to come and join us for a day of merriment. Here are the details:

On Sunday June 24th our new garden and the new location of Bayside Pilates will be the site of the festivities
12-1 is set aside for David and I to have something of a naming ceremony. We’ll be taking some time to reflect on our roles as Liam’s parents with the support of our community.
1-3 is party time
3 we’ll head out for a walk to unwind from what promises to be a lively time.

Please let us know if you plan to attend.

Let the good times roll!

Love, Faye

I was nursing Liam this morning and noticed that his head looks bigger.  And his midsection looks more slender.  It occurred to me that perhaps he had a big growth spurt during the night.  We had a devil of a time convincing him to go to sleep last night, we thought that teething was the cause and when I trolled around his gums this morning I could have sworn that I felt a little something sharp in there, but when I double checked it was gone.  So maybe it wasn’t teeth, maybe it was growing.  Or maybe none of the above.

Another thing happened this morning, I had the notion to sit down and put all these little thoughts into writing and hit “publish”.  We’ve been on quite a wild ride the past couple months.  Getting my studio set up and getting me back teaching was no small undertaking.  As construction carried on down below, I would sit around fretting about just how we’d do it.  Now that we’re done, I sit around wondering just how we did.  All I know is that I’m grateful to be through and happy to be working again.  We are starting to settle into the new normal around the house but we’ve got one more big piece yet to fall into place:  David’s work life.  David is still working A LOT, but it seems that we are in the final stretch of that too.  I don’t dare imagine how good our lives will be once he’s got the pressure of just one (instead of three) businesses on his shoulders.  But I think that it will be good.

Now, back to Liam, our little star…who has been quite busy these days and quite accommodating of all our busy-ness.  He’s a man of action, moving between explorations with energy and enthusiasm.  I often find myself calling him Jacques Cousteau.  He loves to laugh with his papa.  He adores Shalin and Bo who keep him safe and entertained while I am working.  He’s had a rash on his face for at least a month now, despite creams of all kinds being applied constantly.  The party line is that the rash is from teething.  If Liam can get his hands on a large manipulatable object (LMO), he’s a happy clam.

He’s fascinated by plastic bags and paper.  We picked up the beautiful posters for the studio (that David dedicated MANY hours to) and they were wrapped in a big plastic bag.  Liam was in the stroller and we had two more stops to make so we walked a fair distance with the plastic covered tube in the stroller with him.  He was panting with excitement the entire time.  I was just happy that nobody admonished me for letting my kid play with a plastic bag.  We were after all, walking through the heart of Berkeley.

Liam is quite sociable and I find myself responding to one question, “is he always this happy?” and one comment, “he has the most beautiful eyes!” at least once per day.  Perhaps all those people smiling at his beautiful eyes make him happy.  He does seem to be enjoying himself, so that’s good.

Thank you loving readers for your comments, I appreciate each person’s sharing and caring.  We are learning every day from our young teacher and having the support of our friends and family makes the journey all the richer.  Liam is now occasionally calm during a diaper change and often he’ll have some entertainment from Papa or Shalin which helps to mitigate the nuisance of lying down long enough for me to clean him up.

Thanks to Liam, there have been all sorts of happenings in the days since my last post.  But I must confess that at present I don’t recall what they are.  I’m hoping to have more time to write now that I’ve made the transition back to work.  And yes, we do have a whole slew of photos and videos to share but that remains David’s department and he’s still in the thick of it as I already mentioned.  Yesterday marked nine months since we became parents and I’m busy with preparations for the celebration of his first year.  It’s been a good time, and it seems that just as change is, so is goodness constant when it comes to life with Liam.

This morning I found myself in the now familiar diaper changing struggle.  To his credit, Liam is not one to take things lying down.  Hopefully he will hold on to this tendency and exhibit it when it’s actually appropriate.  As far as diaper changes go though, my writing this entry serves as my admission that I’d prefer it if he’d just lie there and let me get the job done.

I find it quite frustrating to “snappi” a diaper into place on a wiggling, spiraling baby.  Liam seems to be taking his surname a little too seriously!  The result is a loose fitting crooked diaper which will inevitably come undone before intended.  Lucky for me, we’ve got another diaper style which I can make use of in a pinch, which is what I did this morning before grabbing my computer to vent my woes.

Here’s an example of a particularly challenging session on the diaper table, sort of “The Princess Bride” of diaper changes in that this particular session had all the things that a diaper change these days may involve.  I put Liam in his bassinet which is now the holding bin (he’s swinging around in there now as I write) to get his outer clothes off, and to prep the table.  I get him on to the table and remove the diaper to find an enormous “poopsie” which Liam promptly digs his heels into while flailing about.  The diaper still isn’t off and I’ve got poop all over his body to deal with.  By some stroke of grace, I keep Liam on the diaper pad, the poop off it, and miraculously manage to clean up every trace of poop on his body.  I tell you, my reflexes are quick and my powers of observation are sharp these days.  (By the way, Liam got sick of the bassinet so we’re now in the living room where he’s playing with the birthing / bouncing ball.  He just had a few moments of sitting and watching the ball as it rolled away and settled into a still position, that was our tranquility for the day I guess, because then he noticed me and crawled on over to pull on the laptop and then the ipad.  Now he’s onto the blocks, and books in the shelves.  Back in the fast lane).  So, back to the story.  I’ve managed to get the baby clean, I wouldn’t be surprised if the challenge of it got some adrenaline into my veins, I was energized to say the least.  But I was also in need of a break.  The previous evening David had come up with the idea of letting Liam crawl around in the tub naked.  So off to the tub we went.  Liam was happy as a clam playing with all the jet holes in the tub and I was happy to have a breath or two.  After a few minutes of that, he peed.  Of course.  On the one hand, this was good.  Just turn on the tap and rinse him off.  But I didn’t have a towel and now that he and the tub were covered in pee, the whole enterprise was a lot more dangerous by the slippery when wet nature of the tub.  So we proceeded with the rinse, Liam had more fun playing with the water.  And then I picked up my soaking baby boy, getting myself all wet, grabbed my towel and headed back to the changing pad.  Now to get the new diaper and clothes on.  This has become a multi-level multi-room experience.  We start with the diaper and cover on the table.  Sometimes Liam will tolerate that, sometimes not in which case I’ll start by moving the pad to the floor.  Liam likes the ride.  I get the body suit over the head, arm one, arm two and by this time he’s sitting up.  Snapping the crotch in this position is no problem.  Next, the socks.  This is typically when it’s time to relocate.  Too much time in any one spot is soooo boring mom!  Sitting with a toy is the preferred position, but I manage okay with crawling and even standing.  For the pants, if I can get him to stand for the final pull up, we’re a real team.

During another challenging diaper change recently I found myself fantasizing about the sweet, docile baby girl who must be waiting in the spirit dimension to join our family.   Is that wrong?  To wish for a calm little baby who loves getting her diaper changed?  The saying, boys get easier, girls get harder, is a constant source of reassurance these days.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m having a lot of fun with our little bundle of action.  I thank him for that and for providing me with my first round of training should I ever want to compete in a pig scramble.

TGIF, except there is no weekend in the life of new parents.  If you have a weekend, be sure to enjoy it extra for us!

Love, Faye