I already explained how April 28, 2010 came to be our wedding day. Laura reminded me after the fact that the moon was in scorpio (my sign) and that mercury was in retrograde. For the little bit of arcane knowledge that I have, the day seemed to conform to any expectations that those factors would dictate. That seemed to ensure that every person was on their toes, and fully present. That made the whole experience that much more rich for me.
I woke up early and snuck out to the sun porch to write my vows in the little book that I’d give David after the ceremony. It was cold so I bundled myself up in a few blankets. Soon Joyce came out and we had some time to chat. She made me some tea. Then my mom joined the fun. It was nice to have their company in the early morning since it reminds me that I have that in common with my family of origin as opposed to my new family of choice (David is anything but a morning bird). My mom and Alexa headed out to pick up DJ while I hopped in the shower. I enjoyed a tasty breakfast while the travelers were fighting traffic on the 580 (we all forgot about commuters since it was anything but a normal workday for us). They arrived shortly and DJ got me ready to sit under the dryer for a while. Joyce made my bouquet while I watched. She did a beautiful job, we were all impressed by her talent and grateful for it. She gave me just what I wanted. Once my hair was done and the veil was on, we had to act fast. DJ needed to get to work and I had to get to my make up artist, Christina. In a flash we were all on to the next.
I was making my way up Shattuck in downtown Berkeley when I ran a red light by mistake (has anybody else noticed how the placement of the lights at Addison relative to the placement of the lights at University makes it sort of easy to skip ahead by one intersection?). I noticed the red as I was soaring through toward the green directly in front of me and immediately sent up a plea to St. Christopher that all would be all right despite my traffic violation. I figured if I got pulled over the veil on my head might afford me a bit of sympathy from the cop. Lucky for me I wasn’t stopped because so far I haven’t demonstrated the particular brand of subservience that police officers tend to reward with leniency.
I arrived just ahead of schedule to find that my make up artist was running just behind schedule. I fretted a bit but it all turned out fine because we’d scheduled more than enough time. I think it was about this time that I realized the weather wasn’t quite as nice as I had been thinking it was. Up until that point in the day I’d noticed the sun shining, but had been conveniently oblivious to the clusters of clouds and rainfall that had been alternating with a bright blue sky. When she arrived there was another gal too who was there for a quick eye shadow consult. She’d brought a chocolate bar and flowers as a thank you. Thanks to Christina’s aversion, I scored the chocolate bar! It hit the spot because I was ready for second breakfast by the time I headed up the hill to don my gown.
I was the first of the wedding party entourage to arrive at the Brazil room, but the amazing decorations committee was already hard at work. They were so focused that they didn’t even notice my arrival. I had to get into the bathroom so that David and I wouldn’t see each other before our full costume meeting so off I went. One by one people arrived and the day got under way. From what little bit I saw of the preparations, it seemed that everyone was lending a hand to get the party set up. This was just the sort of collaborative energy that I had been hoping would surround us on our wedding day. I only hope that everybody involved was happy to play their part and have the opportunity to not only celebrate but also work a bit with the people that David and I hold dear. Thanks to each and every person, steadily everything fell into place while we ladies were getting dressed. I think that we started the photo shoot a bit behind schedule but by that time our event was underway and all our good plans and intentions were to become merely the template for what was to unfold as our wedding day. The main disruption to our plans proved to be the weather.
As the photo shoot ran its course more and more people appeared. We were just finishing up as the sky became stormy and the last arrivals of our party were running between the raindrops toward shelter. My guess is that people chose to gather at the Brazil room instead of the garden down the hill on account of the weather. The ceremony set up committee had apparently be going through a bit of chaos on account of the weather and soon enough whoever was down there when the skies broke ended up back inside with the rest of us, they were cold and wet, the poor dears. Mother nature’s split personality was causing our good intentioned helpers a great deal of confusion. Now that we were ready to move to the next step of the day, we realized just how uncertain the situation was. For a short amount of time David and I fielded personal entreaties from various guests regarding where we should hold the ceremony, it seemed that the popular opinion was about 50/50 and despite the patches of blue sky it was looking as if the best choice was to reconfigure for an indoor ceremony. I realized pretty quickly that the overwhelm of making a choice was getting to me and so I handed the reigns to David. He and our officiant Carlyle put their heads together and thanks to them we were indeed married in a sequoia grove on a hill overlooking the San Francisco Bay (just like our contract says).
The design of our ceremony was meant to bring each person present into a state of calm and focus on our ritual of marriage. While I did feel that sense of collective intention which was magical to me, it seemed that it came more from the commitment of each and every person to support us than from the ceremonial elements that I had so carefully designed and honed with David and Carlyle. As we prepared for the ceremony in a way that was more practical and less reflective, I had the sense of rushing and I was sad to not have the quiet time with my family that had been intended before the ceremony. But then, it was mother nature calling the shots and we all bowed to her decree.
The ceremony itself was lovely and there were many special moments. The trees offered us shelter from the elements and from the the many distractions of contemporary life. I was freezing cold which gave me a very strong sense of how much I valued being in nature’s sanctuary for this very important moment. I must say that it felt like a sacrifice to mother nature and that gave me a sense of resolve. Near the end of the ritual the skies broke once more and instantly everybody opened their umbrellas. We made our exit amidst raindrops and wedding bells. As the drops came faster we made the quick choice to pass by the redwood grove which we had designated for our private time and ran up the hill to the warmth of shelter. Unfortunately Alexa and Jeremy stood guard for a while before they realized that we had broken with the plans and they arrived quite cold and wet. David knew that there was a heater in the men’s room and since that was one of two private areas that’s where we spent our first few moments as husband and wife.
Our wedding dinner was truly a reflection of my intentions. Laura Tabet did an amazing job of leading the event and I was content to know that everybody felt a part of the meal. I hadn’t wanted to arrange the room in little clusters of people so that we were all separate yet together and I think that my seating arrangement did indeed give us all the experience that I was hoping for. Many people got up and shared their thoughts, memories, wishes, funny stories, songs, etc. It was quite entertaining. We finished the evening off with a big circle of love first California style (popcorn wishes for us newlyweds) and then Michigan style (the first self-supporting human circle of the week). While our photographer caught a few more photos of us under the golden light of the setting sun, our family members practiced the country dance for the ball. Cheers to Sirena, Laura, and Gabi for their supreme efforts in transmitting a complex group dance.
We all headed home after a long, fulfilling day. Shortly afterward, David and I set out for Napa for our one night retreat as husband and wife.
Oh By Jingo
Oh By Jingo is a Tin Pan Alley song from 1919. There are lots of lyric variations since it’s meant to be something of a nonsense song. This is the version from a Jeeves and Wooster that we’ve watched tons of times. I can only imagine how often the Stevensons have watched this show when I haven’t been around, since I’m hardly ever there.
In the Land of San Domingo
Lived a girl called Oh by Jingo
(ta da da da da da da da um-pa um-pa um-pa um-pa)
From the fields and from the marshes
Came the young and old by gorshes
(ta da da da da da da da um-pa um-pa um-pa um-pa)
They all spoke with a different lingo
But they all loved Oh by Jingo
And every night
They sang in the pale moonlightOh by Gee, By Gosh, By Gum, By Jove (oh by jove, oh by jove, oh by jove)
Oh by Jingo won’t you hear our love!
(will you kindly raise your voice) (LOUDER)
We will build for you a hut (yes)
You will be our favorite nut (correct)
We’ll have a lot of little Oh by Jingos
Pink and While just like flamingosBy Jingo said, By Gosh, By Gum, By Gee (G-A-B-C-D-E- STOP)
Oh Jimminy, please don’t bother me (bother her, bother her)
So they all went away singing
Oh By Gee, By Gosh, By Gum, By Oh by Jingo
By Gee you’re the only one for me
(Bring me lobster on a clean plate) (DELICIOUS!)
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