Late November – 2023
It was the encouragement of Tina, Leo’s mom, who got me started. She said something along the lines of, post about your trip on IG. It turned into something of a lifeline. Driving across Turtle Island can be dull and monotonous. With the circumstances of our move, it was also full of stresses. Having a place to put moments of fun, amazement, and inspiration was a comfort. It gave me a reason to crystalize those moments in my memory. Reading comments from friends and sharing all of it with David and Liam helped us all along. At a certain point, I realized that I’d need to transfer the posts (here in italics) to our family blog because this move is such a pivotable time for our family and not everyone is on social media. So here it all is – one big post in rough sections since getting it complete with pictures took several months.
We’re not done yet. When I started writing this post back in August / September, I estimated that we were really only about half way there. We got ourselves out of California, that was huge. Next we had to get ourselves set up in Michigan – three ganders and a goose all ready for some fun, more green and more ease. Luckily, that didn’t feel quite as huge as the extraction process, what with the fun, green, and ease. Winter did loom big on the horizon (and now that I’ve driven Liam to school in eighteen degree weather, I know why). We ended up staying the full 3 months in our short term rental, and now as I finish putting this post all together the first snow that stuck for more than a day has melted in the yard of our long term rental (the first came on Halloween). We have an address, but I’ve only told a few people about it because my brain can only hold a small amount of information at once. We remain surrounded by boxes and the only reason that I’m writing instead of unpacking is that my foot can’t hold my weight. After two weeks of nonstop moving that was kicked off by my back going fully out on day one and staying out for a few days, my body has issued it’s second demand for me to do something other than stand, bend, reach, and repeat. So I’m sitting and writing.
Once we get unpacked (I’m hoping by the winter solstice), we need to turn our attention towards all the other details of getting set up with the big one being earning money again. We haven’t done that in quite a while.
There was a day a few months back when I realized that we’d had a reality shift because David finally crashed. It happened after school orientation. Being the first Michigan obligation on our calendar for months, it became something of a finish line for us. Aside from our family driver taking a much deserved break, we had a couple months in which we managed to eat most meals at home and are restored our regular family games and reading sessions. That felt like the conclusion of National Lampoon’s Cross Country Move. It’s funny though, because I never got this blog post complete and now we are in one place with all our stuff – no more storage lockers. No more things left back in CA and this does feel like the second landing. Pulling stuff out of boxes, seeing our furniture and rugs, it feels that we can finally experience a settling in and an orienting to our new home.
The Story Starting in March 2023
I would like to set the scene for posterity because I can imagine we will forget this period of high stress much in the way one forgets childbirth. We determined in March of this year that we would nearly certainly move to Michigan. By May this was confirmed. In late March, after a few months of rapid decline, Dean Twist took his last breath.
As of May, the list of TO DO’s (broadly speaking) was:
1) Purge, sell or pack up all our belongings which were spread between our temporary (five years, temporary) home, the home that David had been steadily preparing for us to live in since late fall 2019 (job site), and David’s Aunt’s basement.*
2) Pack up Bayside Pilates Studio, close down teaching practice.
3) Pack up all David’s tools and equipment
4) Set aside family mementos at Dean’s
5) Complete renovation of the job site and prepare the property for sale
6) Clear Dean’s property near Clear Lake and prepare for sale (this will happen in the winter – nay, first 1/2 – of 2024)
7) Support Liam in saying goodbye – make sure there was time with friends and that requests for special one-last-time-as-residents experiences were enjoyed
8) Say goodbyes, lots of goodbyes.
9) Take time to process such a huge change (Faye and Liam got to do this, David didn’t – he was working non-stop)
10) Cry goodbye tears (Liam at both houses, Faye had big ugly tears at Orff, did David get to cry? I don’t think so, no time for emotions)
- Big things to sell – three trailers and two vehicles (two which were in Dean’s name, some of which may not have had up-to-date registration), Baby stuff (baby number two had still been a possibility 5 years ago before SO MUCH else happened), heavy tools.
Funny, that list already seems simpler than it felt as we rattled it off to whomever would listen to us in May, June, and July. I’m glad I wrote it down. And I’m so grateful for those who did listen to us. We have had plenty of encouragement, help, and friendliness along the way.
7/19
Ah sweet Siegfried. He knows something is up and he freely shares his displeasure as our usual life is disrupted by moving preparations. I hope that he manages okay with what we have in store for him – 8 days of cross-country travel, two days at Grammy’s with a view of the largest field of grass he’s ever seen, a temporary rental, and after 4 months of upheaval to his steady life – hopefully a permanent new home. We’ll have to keep alert for coyotes and who knows what else once we land in Michigan. I keep telling myself that worrying does little good. Maybe it will sink in eventually.
The extraction
David pulled some all nighters and worked harder than I would have thought given that his response to so many of my ideas over the years has consistently been : “that would take a lot of work”. Seriously, David has put in a few years worth of work in the past several months. He has quite literally been the engine that kept us going – he has supplied the drive and momentum, plus he is most definitely the brains of this whole operation. David deserves a good long rest and I do think that the darker and longer nights have afforded him at least a bit of a repreive.
We have a lot of stuff. Yep we do. David orchestrated the transport of it all for a reasonable price. (In truth, we don’t have a grand tally. We’ve been far too busy for bookkeeping, but I think it’s safe to say that if we overpaid, it was only for a small portion). Sadly, some of our stuff was damaged in the move. But not much.
I packed A LOT of boxes. Of the 367 boxes, I think it’s safe to say that I packed 275. I purposefully did this task carefully and deliberately and I set myself up to enjoy it. I gave myself several weeks of mental work to set up my “moving mindset” Had you asked me if I liked packing up all my family’s possessions in cardboard boxes in May, I would have said absolutely not. But I proved myself wrong.
7/20
Goodbye dear springs, I sure will miss you while we are apart.
(It’s 6/3/2024 and I’ve yet to pull on a spring since 7/20. This is one small indicator of how much the landscape of my professional life is shifting with this move. I’m in the midst of learning new modalities (SE, MMIA and Applied Neurology and have begun the process of becoming a music educator) and have my eyes on setting up my teaching practice once the summer is done.)
The pressure was quite high for our last three weeks in California. David was working long hours at the job site to get it done. There were many by-the-skin-of-his-teeth moments. One was when he was clearing the surfaces seconds before the professional photographer entered each room to snap photos for the property listing. The two weeks before our final days of clearing and loading, I attended my Level 2 training at the San Francisco International Orff Course. During those couple weeks, I left a bunch of un-packed stuff and went off to play, sing, and dance with 100 or so of my best friends from all around the planet while David stayed and worked around the clock. Life is unfair. My mom was with Liam for the first of those two weeks and then Liam went with friends to Caz Family camp. While I was in Carmel Valley and David was at the job site, COVID landed with force at Caz. Campers all went home and luckily our friends took Liam to their place while David kept working and I finished out my training.
8/4
After two weeks of musicking – coming back to the place that will be my home for just a few more days before we find a new home thousands of miles away. Such a whirlwind I’m in. Grateful for the grounding of trees and kind folk.
The afternoon of Friday 8/4, we all came back together at our home. After months of preparing, all our stuff was finally a messy jumble in one place. The movers were coming at 7:30a on Tuesday and all there was to do was pack. Fast.
8/5
LOVE, sweat, tears, and a little blood is officially on the market. Words cannot express how impressed I am by my husband’s countless talents.
Thank heavens for Shannon Prokup and so many others who helped get us to this point of departure. You are why the LOVE is first on the list and you are in my heart for the duration.
And now.
I MUST PACK.
There were angels among us. Erin came and packed boxes just as I asked. She was calm and agreeable and didn’t even use the bathroom. She was too focused on helping us with moving. She’s a rare bird amongst the flocks of those for whom the mere thought of packing boxes brings about nervous shudders and adverted gazes. Melissa remembered that I love the extra cush of blue apron boxes and brought over her most recent one. Margo came and didn’t judge all the stuff that she packed up in our kitchen. After tipping me off about basketball camp for our last 3 days there (thank goodness he had something to do), Tina and Alex hosted Liam for an impromptu sleepover Monday night so that David and I could pack until the wee hours and then get up after just a few hours of sleep and keep two steps ahead of the team of 5 movers. Anne brought us delicious onigiri while the movers cleared out storage unit into the second truck. Alex brought hugs.
8/7
No no I don’t want you to go. We are a family of pathway blockers – literally and hopefully not figuratively. With a house full of boxes this is more apparent than ever before.
Pretty much as an after thought once the movers were moving fast an in multiple directions at once, we swiftly put Siegfried in the bathroom that he was trapped in when we’d moved in 5 years previous. Ever since, he’s been wary of being on the wrong side of that particular door and the morning of August eighth confirmed his worst fears. While all sorts of bumps and a multitude of voices rang through the air, he was confined to wonder what was transpiring. Once nearly everything was gone and only David remained, they had a walk through together. Siegfried was careful to be sure that David stayed with him as he walked from room to room, looking around at all the empty space, meowing and looking up at David to be sure that he was cognizant of what had happened. It’s just the beginning, dear Siegfried….
Irma came, did the final clean, took a few things that she’d use but we wouldn’t, and most importantly she took one of my favorite garlands and agreed to keep it safe until Liam’s 13th party in California. We had chocolate cake to say goodbye.
8/8 – 8/9
I have cried big ugly tears in the presence of many (thank you Avon Gillespie for the farewell song that will probably always make me cry). I have joined my husband in packing into the wee hours, sleeping for a few and powering through the rest – yes I now know through experience that we have TOO MUCH STUFF. Even though we have two days left before we hit the highway, I feel that we are nearly through the intense part of this seismic change. I have metabolized so many emotions and past experiences in preparing to return to the place where I grew up after being away for 25 years. I’m bracing myself for a lot more processing once we begin to settle in the land of lakes which is partly why I’ve been so careful with my mindset. I know that nearly everyone has a strong dislike for moving. I have purposefully and almost entirely successfully remained positive. This is too big to expend energy on anything else. I need to help my son with this big change too. We have been helped by many friends and family and I am grateful.
Late Wednesday the necessity and apparent impossibility of our being completely out of our rental loomed mere hours ahead. David was off dealing with the one trailer he’d determined would travel with us. Liam and I were both out of our minds from stress, fatigue and hunger. I called Sirena and she made us quesadillas (just make a quesadilla and go to bed!). David arrived at our hotel room around 1:30a. He’d left the keys for our landlord at 11:59p. Sadly, they had a hostile exchange when he turned up at 11:15p. We were done.
8/10
Just one car key left to relinquish before our road trip begins in a few hours. Ashlie, I experienced the Magic of “just make a quesadilla and go to bed” last night at the end of our second moving marathon day (I was smiling, thinking of you and chanting it over and over) – thank you Sirena and family for the last minute welcome and filling our empty bellies. We aren’t exactly bright eyed and bushy tailed as the journey begins, but we are nearly ready to hit the road.
But not really. Because the trailer wasn’t ready to travel across the country; Lorraine-the-Jetta was fully packed with all the recycling and needed to be dropped off at Jason’s down a green road east of the tunnel; we had goodbye ice cream to eat; a gift card to redeem for lunch; a meet up with Liam’s favorite teacher; Betty-the-Audi to drop off at Melissa’s; etc. When David picked me up from Melissa’s there was a large pile of boxes precariously balanced on top of Dean’s minivan with the trailer hitched to the back. The cat and the boy were inside seeing us all through Melissa’s eyes I realized what a goofy sight we all were. For the next ten days, Clyde-the-van would be our home on wheels, with nightly hotel stops for fully horizontal rest. We were just getting used to the idea.
At some point early on Thursday, I got behind the wheel of Lorraine for our last ride together because David was the only one driving Clyde-with-the-trailer at that point. It was while I was driving in that trusty dusty old gal with the windows down that I realized that if not for good, certainly for the foreseeable future, my princess days were well behind me. I couldn’t even see them in the rear view mirror, the view was completely blocked by recycling. It was good for me to have this moment of realization alone with darling Lorraine. Because driving across the country in a minivan hauling a trailer with a cat and a 12 year-old kid with ADHD is no place for a princess.
It was after the lunch, ice cream, and the goodbye chat with Denise that we realized that Clyde had shaken off the pile of cardboard on the streets of Oakland without our noticing. Whoops. David assured me that the folks who collect recycling to turn in for a bit of change would be happen to find our untidy mess.
Finally. On. The. Road.
8/11
I think that today is our last ugly moving day – one more loooong day in our home on wheels. It took us a painfully long time to get on the road yesterday what with the last tasks. And then there were the things we forgot and didn’t get to. And the logistics of hauling a trailer with an old minivan. We drove to the early morning just to stay on track for our landing with dear family members tonight in CO. Still in getting things done mode but we are on the road and taking it all in stride. Took me 25 years to get some great transcontinental travel companions – there’s no way I’d do this trip alone again. Once was enough. Siegfried’s doing great for anyone tracking his status.
8/12
More beautiful monotony. We are definitely gaining new perspective on the vastness that is Turtle Island. This is a snapshot of [commonly called ] Utah.
8/12
What a relief to land in this beautiful place for a night. I feel that we are each releasing layers of stress and tension after such a emotionally and physically strenuous time. It’s a perfect place to reset for the rest of our journey and our arrival in a new home. Thank goodness for family, MELT, and this stunning land.
8/13
After spending a few hours up high and away from the visiting dogs, getting back on the road might actually be a relief for Siegfried, though truth be told we all would have been happy to linger another day or two. We made it through another stunning mountain pass and are about to partake of some sandwiches – let’s see if my longstanding association between CO and tasty sandwiches bears out.
8/14
Today’s reminder to self – we can do hard things. Because we are currently doing a hard thing and we have 6 more days before we only have cross town trips and a huge truck of stuff to manage. Yesterday I became very clear on why I was determined not to drive back the way I came 25 years ago – driving cross country is un fun. My son expressed his displeasure with the whole experience much more passionately while we were unknowingly parked in a bus stop and I was getting smacked in the face by my sausage sandwich (not quite as good as I’d hoped for but pretty good). Not even 24 hours later, the indignity of it all is making me want to giggle the whole thing is so ridiculously unpleasant. Thanks to Alexa for laughing about it with us in real time. Thanks to the friends we’ve visited along the way for the comforts of connection. And biggest thanks of all to our friend Clyde who is the little-minivan-who-could indeed get us through the mountains yesterday. Here he is in all his rugged glory. He may not be pretty but he gets the job done.
8/15
Not much to report here. Other than that we plan to lunch at a farm to table restaurant. After what we ate this morning, I’m pretty excited about this. We are in a place where takeout comes in styrofoam containers and there’s some sort of sauce put on most things. It happened to my eggs and I ate them anyway. This is the last that I hope to think of the experience. We are over 1/2 way, the roads are nearly flat, and the driving hours per day are reasonable – yippee!
If I remember correctly, the farm to table restaurant was closed by the time we rolled by. Luckily, we found something else. All in all, we managed to eat pretty well on the road. The meals that I’d like to forget entirely were very few.
8/16
Crossing the mighty Mississippi felt like a special moment to me. She’s a beautiful river and I felt calmer the moment I saw her. Now, onto the big city.
There was a coffee run that took us far off track. It can be tricky to follow the apple maps trail if you leave the interstate in rural areas. In this case we ended up 20 minutes off the highway in a very small midwestern town that boasted not a single coffee shop. When David had requested coffee via the apple maps app, he ended up in a florist shop that happened to serve coffee. Or something like that. David walked in on what seemed to him to be a multigenerational group of people planning for a memorial service. They didn’t acknowledge his entrance, so focussed were they on their task. He finally asked if there was coffee. One lady directed him to an area with self-serve coffee. He asked how to pay and she waved him off without as much as a goodbye.
8/16-8/18
This “city in a garden” is delivering the green and soon we’ll have a look at the big blue lake nearby. A couple days holding tight before we land for good in Waawiyatanong, “where the river bends”.
8/19
Last day on the road and everyone is ready to land. For his part, Siegfried is rethinking his road trip strategy – maybe being on top of the carrier is a better option. It’s a makeshift hammock and could be just the thing to carry him home. TBD.
Shortly after he settled into his hammock, we went over a quick bump, and Siegfried took a tumble. Some ideas are short lived. At some point, Siegfried also tried out curling up in his litter box. Nobody else thought this was a good idea. He definitely gets points for creativity.
First Landing
8/17-8/19
We have arrived and are grateful for the initial welcomes – from family in the region (before we even crossed the state line, the youngest member of our party took a dip in the big beautiful lake that feels more like an ocean), from Elina and her team in Kalamazoo, and from family in our new locale. We have a lot of work ahead so it’s not a restful time BUT knowing all that we’ve completed is in the rearview mirror offers some calming effect. I think it may take a couple years for us to actually settle all the way down. Siegfried is content.
David was still in the thick of moving challenges during our first couple days at my mom’s place. Finding a storage facility that could accommodate the big trailers of stuff proved to be quite a challenge; our car wasn’t being picked up from Oakland, and our friends were growing weary of moving it to accommodate street sweeping; and there was also the matter of finding movers to transfer all of our stuff from the trailers to the storage units. Sadly, the movers that we did find were brand new hires with little energy and motivation and David had a very stressful day overseeing the transition. He ended up spending days reorganizing everything because the storage units were packed in a completely haphazard way. Add to that, the water damage from a hole in one of the trailers and we were feeling rather glum.
8/21
I wonder what my California cat friend is thinking as he takes in more green that he’s ever seen. This land of lawns is a whole new reality that he’s taking in.
When my mom drove us over to our short term rental I was so relieved to see some folks holding up Black Lives Matter signs right around the corner from our rental. I found out later that those folks are there every Monday for 1/2 and hour so our timing was quite fortuitous. It was just the welcome I could have hoped for.
8/24
Last night I had a dream….it was a scary dream…it happened after I was scared out of my wits by thunder and lightning. Every member of the family was awakened, I think my husband was the only one not scared and he was helping the cat cope. First time in 12+ years that the cat had any desire to go under the covers. I do not recall ever experiencing thunder and lightning like that in my nearly 47 years. I can completely conjure up images or wizards or gods fighting to the death now. And now I need to know – how many weather posts are people relocating to MI allowed before people start rolling their eyes? I’ve been firmly in the we’ll-weather-the-weather-whatever-the-weather camp my entire life. But last night was something special. (All’s calm now : quite warm, breezy, and green. The thunder is off in the distance)
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